VelvetLips Guest Blogger: What’s Your Sexual Appetite?

VelvetLips Guest Blogger: Make Your Own Porn!

Marla Stewart in Sex Arsenal Blog

Last week, when Jet Setting Jasmine and I were talking about Religious Trauma in our Guilty Pleasures Support Group, as it pertains to shame and guilt around certain sexual behaviors and identities, Jasmine talked about navigating your sexual appetite and what that looks like.  In other words, if we think about sex like we think about food, sometimes there are days when we want something specific and other times we just like what we like.

We can apply this to sexual wants, needs, and behaviors.  Just because I want anal sex today, doesn’t mean that I will want it the next day or even the rest of the week or month.  We need to be considerate when it comes to our sexual feelings, as well as our partner’s sexual feelings; and it’s super important to constantly be in communication about what you want and need about a particular sexual experience.

For instance, if I’m not going to be able to see my lover for a long time, I need to communicate to my lover about what my sexual appetite is and what needs to happen for me to mentally bathe in the sexual bliss that I want for my lover and I to create.  Maybe I want to ensure that oral sex is involved (I’m sure I do!) and that there is an emotional connection that is filled with passion and raw energy.  If in the moment, and it’s not happening, I will/need to speak up about what I need to ensure that I will have a good time during sex.  I don’t want sex to end and not get what I want because ultimately, I won’t be satisfied and I’ll start to disconnect from my lover; which is ultimately my fault.  A lot of times, and especially those folks who were socialized as female, like to think that people can read our minds, when that’s not the case.

The behaviors are going to be different for different kinds of sexual experiences.  A quickie may look very different than a sex date and your wants and needs might be varying.  BUT!  It doesn’t mean that you can’t have different sexual behaviors for those things that you’re doing.

Essentially, this is the spice of your sex life!  Think about all the different sexual behaviors that you like to do, as well as all of the sexual behaviors that you’d like to have in your repertoire and keep a list of them in your drawer/journal/tape it on the wall.  Sometimes, we need this as a reminder of the things that we want to do that we have been forgetting about for a while now and this can even facilitate some much needed sexual conversation in your relationship, especially if you haven’t engaged in a particular liked behavior in a long time.

Also, when it comes to your sexual appetite, it’s not only behavior, but it’s also about frequency.  Yes, there are people who have a high libido, but even us folks who have a high libido go through ebbs and flows of sexual desire in whether we want to have sex or not.  So think about this the next time you are feeling sexually indulgent or feeling sexual lack, and know that your appetite is there to be moderated by you – the most important person in your life.

Cheers to your sexual success!

Marla Stewart in Sex Arsenal Blog

After I spoke at the Frost Science Museum in Miami about the Science of Seduction, I had all sorts of people coming up to me asking me different questions.  There was this beautiful, young couple who approached me about watching porn.  The young woman didn’t want her boyfriend watching porn because she felt like that was cheating on her.  She prompted that he didn’t need to cheat on her with the porn because she would be available for him to do whatever he pleased.

He claimed that because they both live with their parents, he found the porn to be convenient when he needed to relieve that sexual tension.  He didn’t feel like it was cheating and he felt fine consuming the type of porn he was watching.

My suggestion?  Make your own porn!

That way, he can look at it when he’s not around her and therefore, she would feel like he’s not cheating on her because he’ll be looking at her body and not anyone else’s.  She was super excited to get that done and I felt like I helped a couple find another way to bond when they aren’t around each other.

For those of you who are interested, here are some tips for making your sex videos!

Set the Scene.  In the videos, you do not want distractions.  For instance, you probably would prefer not to have pictures of your kids and family members in the background, a messy bedroom, or an open closet.  Clutter-free is better unless there are some sex toys that you’d like to have placed for strategical distractions.

Get Many Perspectives.  There aren’t a lot of films that are made with a female point-of-view, so I think this one would be useful when you’re trying to turn on your woman.  Have her hold the camera/phone for this particular aspect.  Going through many positions can ensure that you have a variety of perspectives and if you have the whole place to yourself, you can definitely get in many different scenes for different feels.  Don’t forget to share the camera!

Use Your Private Storage.  I know some of you probably know this already, but using your work phone for personal use is a no-go.  Also, using your personal phone on company wi-fi is a no-go.  Do not store your videos on your work computer or in work folders.  Make sure that you have your own personal cloud storage or private hard drive that you can put your videos on.  For those folks who are exhibitionists, feel free to let that freak flag fly and release that video how you please!  As long as no one is harmed from it, I’m all for it!

Watch & Enjoy!  Yes, most of us have body image issues, but the point of the porn is to really get turned on by you and your lover(s) and see/embody the sexual chemistry that you all have.  Take this as an opportunity to experience your lover(s) in a different way and check it off your sexual bucket list!

makeout

Cheers to your sexual success! 

Shon and I would like to give a special shout out to Amour Getaways for setting up the Rustic Cabin Getaway in Berkeley Springs, WV. It was our first trip to a clothing optional experience and it was a pleasure working with the host. [Amour Getaways] was professional, organized, and made sure that we had everything that we needed for a stress-free and sensual experience.  [They are] very knowledgeable about the location and advised us of everything the area had to offer. We are looking forward to many more great experiences with Amour Getaways.

 

T. Reed and Shon, Virginia 8/2018

 

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