The Bomber Guest Blogger: The Bomber’s 5 Principles of Expressing Racial Preferences in the Lifestyle

The Bomber in the Black n Kinky Lifestyle Podcast

“We don’t play with Black couples… but we will hang out with them.” I will never forget the day I was browsing on a swinger website, and I came across a couple’s profile that had that line in their “what we are looking for” section. The second part of the statement was clearly a “we are not racist” claim. But that is the thing about racism, it’s like drug addiction. Few people admit to it, but you can guarantee that they are probably using alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, Adderall or Ambien on a regular basis and just refuse to stop. But there are few racist assholes who have “RACIST” tattooed on their forehead. Racism is a behavioral phenomenon, labeling someone as racist is pretty useless, you just gotta listen to the shit they do and say. And when you say “we don’t play with Black people” you just said some pretty racist shit.

Like what other explanation is there other than you being a racist asshole. “We don’t play with Black people?” What is that really all about? Is it about the male partner not wanting his wife with a Black dude? I can understand, no one wants to have their wife split in two because those huge Black d*cks can be fucking lethal after all! You seen what happens to them chicks on Blacked! Lex Steel and his tattooed minions deserve the needle. Or maybe she is worried that her fair skinned prince will be taken by a Beyonce built Nubian queen who has sworn vengeance on them Beckys with the good hair. Beware of the Bey. Maybe this couple had a run in with that one Black couple that fucked it up for everybody. Dammit Rayray and Lakisha, stop bringing 40’s to these BYOB meet and greets, you are making us look bad!!

Anyway, perhaps that is not it at all, maybe I am being too harsh. Black people have had an interesting history in the lifestyle. There are Chocolate rooms in some lifestyle party settings, where black men are available to any women that will have them. The lifestyle throws around terms like BBC and queen of spades all the time, highlighting the all too common practice of fetishizing black bodies. And this couple made a stand to not be a part of that crew. There are hordes of people going for negro love and they want to tell the world that they ain’t about that life. But still, I would have liked a little more detail. What was it about Black people that made them absolutely off limits, so off limits, that they had to call them out? It’s like, they would have been willing to fuck anything or anyone else, horses, incels, devil worshipers, but Black people? Hell Nah!

So I stepped out of my circle and asked the twitter verse about this, “is there anything wrong with stating your racial preferences on your profile?” As suspected there were some variations in the responses. Besides the folks who chalked it up to racism and slipped into the typical outrage fuss, others suggested that it is just a preference. People like what they like. Boom there it was, it was as simple as that. Except, it isn’t. Race has never been simple, and that is where I think the problem is. People assume that race does not come with baggage. It fucking comes with baggage and we should accept that. But for those folks out there that don’t feel like revisiting the topics of that one race relations elective you took back in undergrade, here are a few simple principles about racial preference expressions in the lifestyles that I think you should know.

1. Having preferences or attraction to persons of your particular race is not racist, so don’t feel bad about that, this doesn’t give you an excuse to be an asshole.

 

So let’s get this out of the way because this one is easy. Science has backed up the fact that we tend to gravitate towards people like us. White people tend to go out with white people, Black people target other Black people. Attractive people tend to prefer other attractive people. Trump supports go after trump supporters, cause there is something truly special about them folks.  That is just how it works out. Of course there are exceptions, yes I am acknowledging them swirl couples out there! Do you boo! Now I’m not saying you gotta want to play with Black people. Your body is not an equal opportunity organization. But the shit you do and say fucking matters.

We have all kinds of preferences, and given that Race comes with baggage, declarations about one’s racial preferences is the issue here, not the preference itself. Think of it this way, I have a preference for people who can walk. This is likely because walking is a big part of my life, I do it all the time. And I have an attraction to people who walk. Paraplegics are not a group of people I tend to go for. Imagine I wrote that shit on my profile. We don’t play with paraplegics, or blind people, or people who have a history of sickle cell. That sounds really dickish, doesn’t it? It may have been the truth, or telling it like it is (Shout out Dave Chappelle). But I sounded like kind of a prick. And no one wants to sound like a prick. Which brings me to my next point.

2. Treating racial preference as any other preference can end up making you look like a dick.

Most dating websites, whether they are vanilla or not, ensure that users describe their preferences. That shit is important! I need to know whether you have a preference for slim dudes with skinny legs who watch StarWars and enjoy anime tentacle porn…maybe that was too specific. Anyway, people write all kinds of things, you have probably seen them:

  • We prefer couples who are height weight proportional (HWP) aka we looking for couples who aint fat. We work out.
  • We are drug and disease free aka we cool with weed, but only do molly on vacation, we got kids and they got homework, this new math shit takes some concentration . If we see blisters anywhere, we not fuckin.
  • We are looking for bi women aka she trying to have a pussy eating marathon.
  • No bi males aka he doesn’t really make a distinction between gay and bi and his booty may be irresistible, he does a lot of squats.
  • No single male aka quantity of dicks in the room must be less than or equal to the quantity of pussy in the room. Stop messaging us.

If you mention a preference for race, or worse exclude an entire racial group on your profile, it may lead to the question as to “Why”. Do you have to explain? No. But it couldn’t hurt in some cases. But the answer to that “why” could be that you are a racist asshole. I dare ask again, why would you feel the need to put it on your profile? Do you have hordes of this non-prefered race sending you excessive messages, begging to get into your pants, drooling over your photo galleries, flooding your social media with likes, DMs and comments?

I could totally understand, you don’t want to waste anyone’s time. All those messages and inquiries you have to reply to are too dam much. Why are these people so thirsty!? Best to let them all know, I suppose. But if you don’t have this problem, why mention the preference at all? Why invite the assumption that you are a racist asshole? Of all the things you would not fuck, you had to make sure the world knew about your absolute objection to an entire race of people. It is kind of silly if you think about it. But is everyone else is on the menu? Why not declare that you don’t do criminals, mentally unstable people, killers, rapists, or people that don’t like baby Yoda? They are out there, and they might be looking at your profile right now.

3. Offensive racial preference declarations could end up cutting you off from the race that you actually prefer.

We live in a pretty diverse world and the lifestyle community itself is getting more colorful every year. Oh, we still have segregation in our community of nut busters, but times are a changin. And more event promoters desire diversity because, at the end of the day, the lifestyle can expose us to a buffet of people with different races and ethnicities and we all like buffets right? The diversity of porn categories proves it, yeah I’m talking to you pornhub. It’s all super sexy. But you know what’s not sexy? Drama and racism. And if you have a hint of it on your profile…well you might find yourself missing some invites, getting denied by sexy couples and flat out getting excluded from some erotic experiences. Because whether you are racist or not, who wants to take a chance with someone who is so opposed to another racial group that they have to make a declaration of it? Yes, remember them Whites Only signs? They were a thing once. Why make them a thing again?

4. Racial preferences can be an unnecessary ambiguity on your profile. 

Race is one of these really simple words we use to describe some complex shit. Let’s say you don’t play with Black people. Does that include bi-racial folks? Do you adhere to the one-drop rule? If not, what is the maximum amount of blackness that you can tolerate before you find yourself overdosing from exposure to swag, natural curls and shay butter? If I am an eighth black, is that too much for you? Or does it only matter if I look Black? Or is it about identifying as Black? Cause I might be trans-white or trans-asian, don’t tell me who I am dammit! Do you need to see my birth certificate? What happens when you are talking to an interracial couple? Or a couple that adopted a Black child. Spoiler alert, Halle Berry will find Isaiah. 

5. “We prefer” statements are much better than “We don’t do” statements.

Racial preference may have a place on your profile under some circumstances, but even then, you should avoid “excluding” language. If you are an individual or couple of a particular race that is a local minority and you are looking for that minority, it may make sense to mention that preference. I can imagine an Indian couple living in a Latino community, needing to make it clear that they are looking for other Indian couples. This is because most people looking at their profile will not be Indian and they don’t want to waste their time responding to message after message from people they aren’t interested in. While I’m on the subject, shout out to that Indian couple we met at the Halloween interracial party because ya’ll were SEXY AS FUCK. Call us!

The point is sometimes you are looking for something very particular in a haystack of non-particulars. Even then, you want to stick with what you prefer and not what or who you don’t want.

But then again, you might just be a racist prick looking for other racist pricks. If that is the case. Please disregard this message. And flaunt your racist spirit for all to see.

The Bomber

The couples healing techniques workshop was amazing! We had never done the techniques shared at the workshop before. It was such a wonderful surprise to not only learn new techniques but experience the way they made us feel as well. Our instructor has magic hands! We left a much happier and calmer couple.  We are very happy we made it to this event. We are looking forward to doing more sessions in the near future. I would highly recommend the healing techniques workshop to others!

 

K and N, Maryland 9/2018

 

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